Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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