it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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