I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
