I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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