Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Damn victory sex feels great
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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