did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Randomize
