Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
