Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Randomize
