just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Randomize
