so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Oh god it's open bar.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
