I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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