oh god the rape fog is back!
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
