I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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