I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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