I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
