We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
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