Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
