I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
