She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
