He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
