yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
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