What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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