Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
My hand turned me down
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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