I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I'm both gender and math confused
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
