What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
two words: eviction party
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
