I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
