Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
