Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
