Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
