Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
