i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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