The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
