just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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