I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
