his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
