All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
