the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
