I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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