Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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