Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
