How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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