Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
