I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Randomize
