to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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