One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
