There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
