well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
You left your phone here
Wait...
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
