you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
