I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
