morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
